Good, Better, Best

When I was a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Columbus, Ohio, we were encouraged to only listen to uplifting spiritual music. This served several purposes but the most noticeable of these, to me, was so we could feel close to Our Savior which has a very motivating and optimism-promoting effect.

When I came home from my mission, I returned to my music-- country and pop. I'm a background music-listener. I enjoy having music going as I work on homework or housework. Lately, however, I've noticed that the music in my life hasn't been adding anything to it. I decided to do an experiment.

For the last two weeks I have only been listening to church music in the background around my house. I was curious to see if it would help me be more productive and feel better about the things I need to do for school and my family. I had almost forgotten that I was doing this until my husband commented on my music selection a few days ago. When he made this comment, I reflected on the last week and concluded that I had, indeed, been happier and more productive.

Upon thinking about this, I've decided that it isn't that my other music makes me lazy or unhappy-- it just doesn't ADD anything. For me and my music choices, I'm realizing that it's a matter of good, better, and best. Listening to other music which is positive and uplifting is good, but I now know if I want to feel my greatest and be the most productive, for me, I need to listen to music which speaks often about and reminds me of my Savior.    

Lesson learned.

An oldie, but a goodie.. One of my favorites (:

Sports and Sex

So the Super Bowl was this past weekend, but unless one of my teams (Go Cowboys, BYU, Mavericks, and Stars!) is playing, I'm not really one to watch sports. Even then, it's iffy.

Nonetheless, I understand that the Super Bowl is a big deal to many. As such, fans pay inordinately large sums of money to attend the game and cheer on their team, cities bid on hosting the bowl and, in the hopes of raking in the tourist revenue, spend billions to renovate their stadiums and surrounding city. Companies will pay literally millions of dollars for an advertisement that will air for a few seconds, in the hopes of attracting some of the 100+ million viewers to buy their product. The Super bowl may profess to be about two teams duking it out on a field with a ball made from pigskin, but the bowl itself really is all about money.

So, surprisingly, I wasn't too surprised when I read this article, which brings another facet of the Super Bowl to light. It's a darker and uglier side that isn't pleasant to think about— but something is only as strong as its weakest parts, and this makes the Super Bowl a little less 'super', in my opinion.

The article talks about the impact this huge event has on sex trafficking. According to the article, approximately 10,000 women and children were involved in sex-trafficking during the 2010 Super Bowl in Miami. Some were American, and some were foreign. All were victims. In the US, $9/5 billion is annually grossed from the victimization of these women and children— Around large events where there are travelers from far away, there tends to be an influx of people willing to sell themselves or others to make a few bucks. Many reports have confirmed that during these events and "peak-demand times" girls have served as many as 45 clients a day. My heart breaks for these people who are often kidnapped or lured into this life by pimps and massive sex rings. But, as we established earlier: the Super Bowl is all about money, and money talks.

I believe as we become aware of and work to eradicate this immoral and life-shattering practice, we can save lives. A little idealistic? Perhaps. But we have to try.

For more information or ideas about how you can help, contact the National Human Trafficking Resource Center 1-888-373-7888.

Barking Puppies & Sleeping Babies

I have the cutest six-month-old baby girl. As a result of her stage in life, there are several points in our day that look something like this:

I also have the cutest little 1.5-year-old shih tzu. He is handsome and likes to pose for pictures, chew on his ball, and protect his family. We live across the street from another family that has a little chihuahua who does his "business" in the front lawn several times a day. As a result, there are several points in our day that look like this:

When Katie was first born, I would get so annoyed with Charley for barking because not only would I have a barking dog, but also a crying baby. Then one day it dawned on me-- Charley would be a member of our family for the next 10-15 years, and having been a dog owner before, I knew it wasn't likely for his barking self to change. He would always try to protect us from that little dog across the street. Or the mailman. Or the kids who have the audacity to walk to school in front of our house. I could fight it and be in for 10-15 years of frustration, or I could allow my cute Katie to adapt and learn how to sleep through his barking spells. I chose the latter.

Making this choice meant when I was rocking my baby to sleep and Charley began alerting us to the dangers threatening the homestead (those birds on the power line are awfully menacing creatures), I wouldn't jump up and go tell him to be quiet, rather, I would continue rocking and singing as if nothing was wrong. When she was sleeping in her crib, if he barked I didn't immediately grab Charley and put him outside, I would calmly quiet him, and peek in on her to make sure she was still sleeping or settling herself back to sleep.

As I was reflecting on this whole puppy barking/baby crying fiasco that seemed to permeate our lives, I couldn't help but notice the affect my attitude has on the whole ordeal. When I would make a big deal about the barking dog, Katie would wake up and be awake for good. She was fussy. I was annoyed. Nobody won. However, when Katie would see me calmly react, she most often would drift back to sleep. My attitude impacted her nap more than the loud and obnoxious barking.

Upon this realization, I felt the spirit teach me that this is a true principle in most every aspect of parenting. There is so much noise in this world, and there will always be 'barking dogs'.

My daughters ideals and values about things like her worth, modesty, family values, work ethic, and language will be more shaped by my reaction to her questions, the things in the world around us, and the challenges to the principles we believe— whether those challenges come from the 'barking dogs' of media, friends, or personal thoughts. I can spend my time fighting them, or I can spend my time teaching about them.

If I, as a mother, freak out about sex in the media every time we encounter it, I can count on her perception of sex being skewed to one of two extremes. Either she will count me as a religious zealot and ignore everything I say, or she will be fearful of sex and avoid it in all its forms. Neither is healthy.

Rather, I need to take the calmer approach.  I need to help her work through her thoughts, questions, and feelings. As I do this, she will be more able to tune out the noise and focus on what she knows to be true. If she sees me have a healthy approach to sexuality and the media (or whatever the topic may be), she will be more likely to develop a healthy approach of her own.

I wish I could wrap her in a bubble and take her far away to some island, free from all the 'noise' in the world— but the truth of the matter is, we were sent here to be in the world so we could learn and grow and be tested by it. If I don't teach her how to take the test, the media or her peers will. I would much rather be an active parent and help her learn to navigate through life on her own, clinging to what she knows to be true. If she sees that I am calm about it, I know she will be too.

Whats in it for me?

Ok. I'm self-admittedly ridiculous. I love The Real Housewives of New York City. It's the only Real Housewives series I watch, but I love it. In case you've never seen it, it follows several socialite women who live in the Upper East-side of NYC. And by follow, I mean records and airs the drama. and by women, I mean people of the female persuasion who are in their 30s-50s, but act like they're still in their junior years of high school. Most of them are married, and those that are married (or were married at one point) have children, who are being raised to perpetuate this cycle where it's ok to act 20 years younger than you are.

Anyways, when I came upon this story, detailing the nasty breakup of one of the women on the show-- my heart broke. Not only is their marriage dissolving, but there's a kid in the middle of it. Not only is their marriage dissolving, but they've abandoned their marriage vows for someone younger with seemingly more to offer. This used-to-be couple is a living breathing example of what family scientists call Social Exchange Theory.

If I had to sum up the essence of SET in a few words, they would be 'manipulation and taking advantage'.

An attitude of "What's in it for me?" and "What do you want from me?" leads to mistrust and an idea that it's every individual for himself, against the world.

There have been times in my life where I have felt like this. There have been friendships I have maintained solely in the interest of having them as a 'resource' in the future. Likewise, there are people I have let go from my life because the drama they brought wasn't worth my cost of maintaining our friendship. I have quit dating some men because I didn't think I could live an eternity as their wife with whatever personal struggles they had or whatever profession they were planning to embark on. On the other hand, I purposely flirted with men who were going into fields I knew would be a stable source of income. With some of the men in the latter group, I dealt with behavior I knew wasn't acceptable in the hopes they would change and I could have the fairytale life I had been envisioning. After making these types of decisions, how could I be anything but a Social Exchange Theorist?

Then the thought occurred to me: I am married to a man who is far from perfect, but to whom my entire heart belongs. I am so far from perfect, it isn't even on my horizon, yet he loves me for me. I am the mother to a beautiful baby girl who is the product of a marriage where we are working every day to do better and become more together. I would do anything for those two. Thinking about the family I grew up in, the members of which are also far from perfect, and I recognize those relationships are ones I wouldn't trade for the world. I don't keep these people around for a rainy day when I need something— I keep them close because I truly love them. Nothing could change that, even if their portfolios included nothing but their names.

It was this realization which helped me come to realize we all have a little bit of a Social Exchange Theorist within ourselves. Due to the number of people who come into our lives, we have to. The Savior told us to love one another, but He also told us judge righteously. If we are judging righteously, we will realize when a person needs to be removed from our lives because of the threat they pose to our beloved family members, our marriage, or our self-worth. We will also be able to discern when a person who has nothing to 'offer' us needs to stay in our lives because they need us to give of ourselves to them. Love and righteous judgement are the keys to successful and happy relationships and lives.

Mommy Blogs

It's really been quite a while since I've posted a blog. Notice I say posted, rather than written. I have several posts full of photos and some loosely stringed-together thoughts, I just haven't taken the time to finish them. One day, however, I will.

Luckily, I am taking a Media, Family, and Human Development class this semester which encourages us to blog about the media that permeates our lives. It is something I have been thinking a great deal about, so I am grateful for the opportunity to express some of my thoughts here-- afterall, I have been a long time "mommy blog" lurker without contributing much to the conversation!

I came across this blog post by Rachel Marie Martin. The post is entitled, "Why Being a Mom is Enough", and perhaps it struck a particular cord with me because being a new mom, I am still striving to find my footing with this new role I've taken on.

 

I marvel at the sense of community that can be found online. How did women find support fifty, twenty, and even ten years ago before this network of moms was built? Mom? Because let's face it-- as wonderful as motherhood is, it can be a very lonely, daunting task at times. That's not to say it isn't wonderful, but in the midst of rocking a sick and screaming baby as the laundry and bills pile up and the dog barks, it is easy to feel quite alone. That makes reading words like these all the more valuable an experience:

"A mother isn’t based on external perfection. A mother is the person, the woman, just like you. The woman with little ones in her care that she loves, and sometimes wonders how she loves them because they’re driving her batty, but still she does. She fights, gives, prays, works, and doesn’t give up even when she wants to throw in the towel.

That’s you. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday.

I say that is enough. 

It is more than enough.

You are amazing."

...Even if they are from a complete stranger from who-knows-where.

I have two semesters left (including this one) in pursuit of my bachelor's degree. It is becoming increasingly difficult to leave my little sweetie (and my messy house), and I have really been struggling with all the many things that are on my plate. I take solace in the knowledge that this will only last for eight more total months of classes, as I try to breathe in every second I get to spend with my beautiful baby girl. The days may be long, but the months and years are short and I am grateful for the millions of blogging women in the online community I frequent who remind me of this.

Leaving Paradise

As paradisiacal as Cancun was... Leaving it was another matter entirely. Tuesday night, we bemoaned returning to reality and Wednesday morning we packed, checked out of our hotel, and grabbed a taxi to the airport to get there by 1030 for our 1230 flight. When we went to check in, the kiosk wouldn't let us do it. Come to find out, our flight wasn't until 1230 on THURSDAY, not Wednesday... We were a full 26 hours early for our flight, a truly ironic thing indeed because I really hate getting to the airport more than an hour before a flight is set to depart.

So, since we were broke from the $65 trip from the airport to the hotel when we arrived, and the $40 trip from the resort to the airport, we decided to stay at the airport and have an adventure... So that's what we did.

The Honeymoon-- Cancun, or, Paradise

Kirk's first out-of-country experience was eagerly awaited... After my cabin in the woods dream honeymoon happened in Park City for the first two days, we excitedly headed to the airport Saturday morning to fly to LAX and then onto CUN. On our Delta flight, we sat next to a cute lady who had spent her honeymoon in the beautiful Cancun 43 years earlier. She told us all the places we couldn't miss, then concluded by exclaiming, "But you know what? You're on your honeymoon-- just lay on the beach and enjoy each other!" and that's exactly what we did! We just laid on the beach, took naps in our hotel room, ordered virgin drinks from the bar, and enjoyed being together... It was paradise!

The Honeymoon-- Park City, or, A Cabin in the Woods

When I was a little girl, I decided I wanted to go to Paris on my honeymoon-- spending time in France with the romance, the culture, and the pastries has always been appealing to me, till I got a little older and realized that sight-seeing wasn't going to be a top priority on my honeymoon to-do list... So I decided my ideal honeymoon would be a cabin in the woods with just me and my man. Kirk and his parents, knowing this, booked us two nights in Park City, Utah before taking off to the more exotic Cancun.

We had an amazing time at the WestGate hotel. Friday, we eventually left the hotel and went shopping where we replaced Kirk's leather jacket with one we found on major sale at this cute little Nordic shop, we also bought an ornament-- a tradition we began on our first vacation together, while we were engaged, to California. After lunch at this cute Texas cafe and shopping, we went to the alpine slide where I'm pretty sure I beat Kirk down the mountain. On our way back to the hotel we stopped by walmart because my cute husband only packed two shirts, so we picked up a pack of white t-shirts to wear in Cancun and a swim shirt. Back at the hotel we went swimming and enjoyed a delightful dinner at the hotel restaurant.

It was an early (ish) to bed evening as we had to leave at 5 am for the airport the next morning, but we had a lovely time in Park City and we hope to be able to return to this great hotel and this fun city every year for our anniversary so long as we are in Utah.

What a great start to our life together!

My Fairytale

So, I got married to the man of my dreams on Thursday 16 August 2012. Pretty much, I'm the luckiest woman alive! Kirk Alan Johnson is the sweetest, most sincere person I know, and I adore him-- this blog, from here on out, will be chronicling our Happily Ever After as The Johnson's... Here we go (:

I'm sick.

Like, really sick. So achey that even my hair follicles hurt. I bucked up and went to our ward talent show tonight with my new roomie, Alexis, and on the way, we picked up my neighbor, Dan. After the activity, he invited us over to his house for ice cream and since I have made it a point to never turn down an invitation to be social this semester, Alexis and I graciously accepted. Whilst there, the guys noticed I wasn't feeling the greatest and asked what I needed. I asked for a priesthood blessing and that is what I got. Ryjan anointed my head with consecrated oil, set apart for the blessing and healing of the sick, and Tom gave me a beautiful blessing in which I was told that as I had faith in my body and took the necessary steps to make myself healthy that I would be blessed with the ability and strength to do all the things I need to. How grateful I am for the priesthood of our god-- the ability of man on earth to act in God's name. I am grateful for worthy men who hold this authority and for the blessings of healing, comfort, and council I have received at their hands.

The other neat aspect of this experience is that Alexis, who was baptized last year, and Dan, who was baptized three years ago, who has not yet been ordained an elder in the melchizadek priesthood, were both there. They felt the spirit, and it opened up an opportunity for me to explain to Alexis the way blessings work. Previously she had only received blessings of comfort, so for her to learn that she could call on the power of the priesthood for blessings of healing when she was sick was really fantastic.

This whole experience reminded me of this talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks. Watch it. It's superb.

So there you have it-- I'm thankful for the Priesthood, good neighbors, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, new roommates, and teaching opportunities. Life is good-- even when you're sick.